Jerry: This is actually a rather tricky song. There was one phrase in it that tipped me off as to what this song is really about. Had it not been for hours of listening to Tom Leykis I would have totally missed this one.

This song is about a guy who just found out that he might be becoming a father and is struggling with either keeping or trying to get her to abort the baby.

Darryl: I'm not normally a big proponent of researching a song's history since the stated motivations behind a song's lyrics and the actual motivations are often very different. In this case, however, a little research would have paid off, Jerry. The song "One Thing" was written on contract for the never released movie "City Slickers 3: Curly Rides Again". For those unfamiliar with the first two movies, Curly, the old ranch hand, had a rather simple philosophy. The most important thing in life is "one thing", and each person has to figure out what that one thing means to them.

Jerry: Oh my god... Is this another one of your delusions? After doing a quick search myself, I found only one reference to a City Slickers 3 movie, and that reference is another interpretation we did earlier for Counting Crows - Big Yellow Taxi. I am forced to come the conclusion that this is just another one of your made up stories unless you can come up with some hard evidence. However... I wouldn't mind hearing your interpretation just in case there is any fact to your claim.

Assuming you find no hard evidence that there is a said movie out there, I do believe in the end we will have to decide that my interpretation is the correct one.

Darryl: There IS no movie out there because it was never finished. It didn't make it too far past the planning stage. The fact that a song was written for it is just one of those oddities of movie making.

The funny thing is that Finger Eleven obviously felt Curly's philosophy was completely meaningless. They have fun with other meaningless phrases in the rest of song. Unless, of course, you think the song's about Curly's horse knocking up its stall mate.

Jerry: Even if there IS no movie, I should point out to you that there is NO proof that anything you are saying is true.

Let me explain this song to you. First he starts out, obviously nervous because he isn't sure what he is going to do about this baby to be. So he draws a line on his paper and he starts writing the pros and the cons of marrying the girl. Of course, marrying the girl seems to be the 'right' thing to do when in reality it's the only reason she probably allowed herself to get pregnant. Hell, she probably sabotaged the condom, but that's a whole different argument.

The line that made this interpretation obvious was "It's nothing I planned and not that I can." Women have a large handful of options for birth control, most of which are fool proof. Men essentially have a balloon that they put over their member and pray to god that it works. He did everything he could, minus abstaining from sex. She got pregnant either to trap him into the relationship or to sap money off of him for 18+ years. The child is most likely unwanted by both parties but it make a hell of a bargaining chip for her. He has absolutely no choice in the matter.

Feeling helpless he starts considering going for the 'Hail Mary' per Tom Leykis' teachings.

Darryl: Dude. You need therapy. Women are not evil. Or at least no more or less evil than men. Just because someone says "It's nothing I planned" it doesn't mean there has to be an evil female conspiracy lurking. It could just mean that life is what it is. You plan some of it and you just deal with the rest. And you in particular need to work on dealing with life.

Jerry: I NEED HELP?! Is that your answer to everything? Women are absolute pure deceptive evil! There's plenty of proof around to back that statement up. And how do you explain the almost blatant references to pulling a 'Hail Mary'?

Darryl: I'm almost afraid to ask, but what is a 'Hail Mary' in Leykis lingo? Is this some sort of slam on Catholics?

Jerry: Well, remember that you did ask so when you start complaining about my response, you brought it upon yourself.

According to Tom Leykis, in a last ditch effort to NOT become a father you try your absolutely hardest to sound sincere. You tell the girl: You really want to start a family with her, but this isn't how you had planned it. Maybe if you could wait for a few years until you have a good job so it would be better for the both of you. You absolutely see yourself together with her until the end of time but you want the timing to be right. If she were to have the abortion now, you could have the chance to make everything right and perfect.

If she agrees, you drive her ass to the abortion clinic, pay for the procedure yourself and when all is done you take her to a McDonalds for an Egg McMuffin sandwich and dump that bitch.

Darryl: In answer to your earlier question, Yes, you need SERIOUS help! So you think it's okay to put a mother through surgery in some sideshow clinic and rip your future child to shreds just because you're horny?! Furthermore, you assign this evil philosophy to Finger Eleven just because they chose to use some silly phrases in their song? I'm definitely keeping my womenfolk as far away from you as possible!

Jerry: Since when do you not claim I have issues? Since when is it assumed that when Tom Leykis says something on the radio it's automatically something I believe in? And for the love of god since when do you have a harem?

You polygamoustic bastard!

Darryl: Okay. Calm down. No one's going to hurt you. (I edge slowly to the door, hoping to escape with my life.)

If you calmed down enough, I'll address your questions.

First, I don't belong to the child-a-month club, so the fact that I'm not on a first name basis with the "doctors" at the abortion clinic doesn't mean I've got a harem of pregnant women surrounding me.

Second, I think our readers can see that you're doing a lot more than just defining Mr. Leykis's position. You obviously relish the thought of squirting, sucking, and dumping.

Third, if we can get back to the SONG, I don't see anything in the lyrics, blatant or otherwise, that refers to pretending to be sincere and then dumping "that bitch".

Jerry: First of all, I said those lyrics were blatant so if you can't see it, the problem does not lie with me. Secondly, how dare you trivialize abortion by describing it with one word... Sucking... I mean, I'm down with the squirting and the dumping, but referring to abortion as just plain 'sucking' is rude and inappropriate!

Darryl - Summary: Sorry. I didn't mean to offend your sensibilities.

Finger Eleven - One Thing

Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It's nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn't that be something

I promise I might
Not walk on by
Maybe next time
But not this time

Even though I know
I don't want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds